Speculations

Dear Friend, 
Sometimes I feel so insecure because of the fact that I don't have boyfriends like other normal girls to. I know I'm not normal, but part of me wants that normal part. The part that let's me get the chance to experience love with someone I actually like back. Is that so bad to want.

I know that I'm not the prettiest girl out there and some part of me wants to believe that the standard of beauty is set too high, but when does it get to a point where it's set low. I mean is there even a low standard. It's stupid to think about it. But the truth is, I do feel ugly because guys don't look at me the way they look at other girls and that makes me sad. I want to be able to have a guy see me for me and actually like me back. I don't know, maybe I still need to be patient, but when does it get to a point where I don't have to anymore. When is my time?

I wrote this one day while sitting at home thinking about why I feel so insecure. I concluded with trying to be patient, but also trying to ask God why isn't it my turn. I honestly don't get myself sometimes because I do a lot of things and say a lot of things that I don't mean just so that I can convince myself of the possibility it might actually come true. I know most people say I am to young to be thinking about love and should be focused on school. But most of my life is school, 24/7 so why can't I experience a little life now?There are many people out in this world and there has to be one of them for me.

In other news, I have been focusing a lot on my reading and my creative writing. I am currently reading this book for school called "Wild Swans" by Jung Chang. It is about Chinese Communism and I have to read it for IB World History. It is an okay book so far, I am learning a lot, I guess that is good. I saw my schedule for the school year. I am not going to be able to do Creative Writing which is really what I want to do, but I am able to do IB Film. And in a way, I guess that kinda benefits me because I am thinking of doing screenwriting and this could be my start to submitting stuff for the Maryland film festival. I am a little worried that I might get to that bad point again where I have a breakdown for it might get to stressful. I just don't want that again.

Besides reading and writing, I also have been on top of music. I have planned to go to about three concerts and I really want to experience that. I love this new artist named Sam Smith. He reminds me of Adele if she was a dude. I also like the new Ed Sheeran album "X" which is pronounced multiply. It is really good. I have planned to see them, Austin Mahone and Twenty One Pilots. Hopefully if I do see these artists, I can actually say I have had the best summer of my life. I also like this artist named Magic!. They have this song named Rude and it is just so funny but rebellious, and you no me and being a rebel.

This Friday will be my last day at work. I am happy because I also get paid Friday. I have big plans. Besides practicing and training for tryouts for soccer, that is about it. Have a great weekend and if you have anything to say, just leave it in the comments. See ya later, Gator.