I started this blog because I needed a place to express my real self and try to connect with others the feelings and opinions I have about life. I called this blog true words outspoken because i used to be a wallflower who didn't speak up for myself or do what i wanted to for me. So since I am now, I redirecting myself and showing others the daily thoughts that run through my mind. And they may be good, and they maybe bad, but you know, I don't care how you judge me because I know who I am now!
Life is fair no matter what. It is society that is not!
The second is:
You may never find that one person who sees all the bullshit behind who you truly are! Lord knows people are blind!
The third is:
Love hurts, especially when the person you love has no idea.
The fourth is:
Suicidal thoughts can be helpful; sometimes.
The fifth is:
Feminism is a good strategy to empowerment.
The sixth is:
Doubt in religion can make you more spiritual
The seventh is:
Listen to some of the moments presented to you in life. They want to tell you something.
The eighth is:
You should use yolo to be young and reckless, just be young and reckless.
The ninth is:
Ignorance is bliss
The tenth is:
You will never ever truly be happy because sadness is the only truest emotion that doesn't need to be said; its to be felt.
The Fact of the matter Is....
That is why it all must come to an end. Not this life, but the ideas of this life, this culture, this society. But first, I must get myself together, for my heart and mind do not agree, and therefore cause me to die inside. So Farewell, Until We Meet Again!
Hey Guys, I am so sorry about last week. I had not a lot to say in about a short period of time. I have really been busyt with school stuff, but here is something I have been working on. My list is not complete, but this is what I have so far on the downsides of being a writer:
There are many great things about being a writer. Like the fact that you can create stories to entertain people and also having people you actually know or don't know feel really excited to read your next creative work! Just to clarify, writers include poets, authors, journalist, essayists, etc. But there is always an opposite to every good or bad thing. And sadly, thre is one for writers. There are those downsides that can just be so annoying and I just wanted to make you aware of them, if you are thinking about becoming an writer.
#1: Say Goodbye to Dreaming
Now, when you are a writer, ideas will pop in your head anywhere at anytime. This even means right before you are about to go to bed. Now you might be ready to go to bed, but your mind isn't. While laying down with closed eyes, your mind will think of the best idea ever, forcing you to have to get up, grab a pen and write it down before you forget. This has happened to me plenty of times, and though it is very very very annoying, it sometimes can be rewarding. But sometimes it can be stubborn, especially when you lack sleep and you must write this idea down. So say goodbye to your dreams because they are about to become fictioned realities.
#2 Writer's Block
Everyone gets this one from time to time. But when it happens, it can happen at the wrong time. It always seemed to happen to me when I had something due like an essay or newspaper report. I just wouldn't have any ideas until the last minute when I would already have some bs conjured up and on paper. I would just have to redo the entire thing. And it sucks because writer's block makes you feel usless and worth nothing because as a writer, you should be able to come up with anything, even if it is ridiculous. It's an idea. This is one of the most annoying downsides to writing because there will be the times where you won't have anything to write for months and that can make you feel like a failure. But don't, it will eventually blow over soon, just make sure to always have your pen and pencil ready.
It Doesn't Work Like That!
#Always Being Prepared
As a writer, you are, by basic instinct, always have to be prepare for whenever you have an idea. That is why no matter what you do, you carry around your pen and paper/journal waiting and ready for it to be accessible. That means you will always have to carry some type of book bag or purse to carry all of that in which can be annoying, especially if your just planning to enjoy yourself on the beach. And it's not like you can stop yourself from not taking it, because as soon as you decide not to take it, a thought in the back of your mind says "You'll Regret Not Taking It Because The Best Idea Will Pop In Your Head Later". So you run back and grab it. And for that enture day, you don't write an entire word. Always being prepared can be such a burden and annoying, but as a writer, it's basic instinct so get used to it.
That is all I have so far.
Rest In Peace
Robin Williams
1951 - 2014
I just want to take a moment and talk about the death of Robin Williams. He was a great actor, comedian and husband. He suffered from depression and parkinson's disease, but of all things, he suffered from lonliness. He felt he couldn't share that side with us because he felt he would get judged by society and of course the media would make a big deal about it. So he kept it to himself and suffered with it until he could deal with it anymore. I want people to be aware of the things people do and say in life. Robin Williams was a great man, and although he committed suicide, he wasn't selfish, he was in pain, and that is all something we should understand. Robin Williams was an artist among many things and he will be missed. Let us rejoice in the things that he did and changed upon this earth and remember that he is "Oh Captain, My Captain"!
Some great wisdom once came to my knowledge when I was going through a depression phase. I once realized that when life is at its worst, things must get worse before they can get better. Life has great ups and down and we have to try our best to live through the downs of life so that we may experience the good. If there is one thing that I can say I've learned from my faith, it's this:
"Living in this world isn't easy, and God makes sure it's not, but at least he created hope so that we can believe in something better for ourselves."
When we go back and revisit the wisdom we once had, we are presented with the choice to either keep believing that wisdom or consider it to be untrue, thus opening the door for new knowledge to enter from the next heartache. I haven't quite decided what I want to believe yet, but I know I believe in God and in Destiny. Some part of me feels that pain is the only way to actually feel happiness because you must experience that to understand the idea of happiness. Happiness is not an emotion, it is an idea. The only thing close to the real idea of happiness is peace.
Wait what, is she a Christian or Buddhist?
See, I don't really read the bible much because I feel most of it isn't accurate or that it contradicts itself, but what I do believe from it is that love and peace are the only real things a person can hope for. Some of you might just think I 'm stupid and don't have the experience to say most of this, but just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know things, it just means I have experienced some things in my life that have shaped the corners of my book (life).
I haven't really been writing a lot. I write something small from time to time. Right now I'm really focused on school stuff and making sure my health is in check. If I forgot to tell you guys, I got braces like last this past June and I want to get them in check before I go back to school. Another concern is my chest area, I've been having weird burning sensation in my breast areas, so I wanted to get that checked out. I have set appointments but now I am awaiting and that just kills me because I want to make sure I am okay! Then next week I have soccer tryouts so I want to make sure my health is okay for that.
Dear Friend, Sometimes I feel so insecure because of the fact that I don't have boyfriends like other normal girls to. I know I'm not normal, but part of me wants that normal part. The part that let's me get the chance to experience love with someone I actually like back. Is that so bad to want. I know that I'm not the prettiest girl out there and some part of me wants to believe that the standard of beauty is set too high, but when does it get to a point where it's set low. I mean is there even a low standard. It's stupid to think about it. But the truth is, I do feel ugly because guys don't look at me the way they look at other girls and that makes me sad. I want to be able to have a guy see me for me and actually like me back. I don't know, maybe I still need to be patient, but when does it get to a point where I don't have to anymore. When is my time?
I wrote this one day while sitting at home thinking about why I feel so insecure. I concluded with trying to be patient, but also trying to ask God why isn't it my turn. I honestly don't get myself sometimes because I do a lot of things and say a lot of things that I don't mean just so that I can convince myself of the possibility it might actually come true. I know most people say I am to young to be thinking about love and should be focused on school. But most of my life is school, 24/7 so why can't I experience a little life now?There are many people out in this world and there has to be one of them for me.
In other news, I have been focusing a lot on my reading and my creative writing. I am currently reading this book for school called "Wild Swans" by Jung Chang. It is about Chinese Communism and I have to read it for IB World History. It is an okay book so far, I am learning a lot, I guess that is good. I saw my schedule for the school year. I am not going to be able to do Creative Writing which is really what I want to do, but I am able to do IB Film. And in a way, I guess that kinda benefits me because I am thinking of doing screenwriting and this could be my start to submitting stuff for the Maryland film festival. I am a little worried that I might get to that bad point again where I have a breakdown for it might get to stressful. I just don't want that again.
Besides reading and writing, I also have been on top of music. I have planned to go to about three concerts and I really want to experience that. I love this new artist named Sam Smith. He reminds me of Adele if she was a dude. I also like the new Ed Sheeran album "X" which is pronounced multiply. It is really good. I have planned to see them, Austin Mahone and Twenty One Pilots. Hopefully if I do see these artists, I can actually say I have had the best summer of my life. I also like this artist named Magic!. They have this song named Rude and it is just so funny but rebellious, and you no me and being a rebel.
This Friday will be my last day at work. I am happy because I also get paid Friday. I have big plans. Besides practicing and training for tryouts for soccer, that is about it. Have a great weekend and if you have anything to say, just leave it in the comments. See ya later, Gator.
Inspiration isn’t often hard to find. It comes around when it feels like it, or when it is needed. You find it out of the simplest things, and sometimes out of your dreams. It can be annoying sometimes and right when you’re about to go to sleep, it comes. It forces you to type it up or write it down and when that happens, it begins. The stress, the force of having to do it because if you don’t, you won’t remember. And so you would rather be up all night and tired the next day than to let that one idea go, because deep down inside, one day that idea could make you worth something. And that is all you want. You want to be known, you want someone you don’t know to know your name. You want to be stopped by a stranger and thanked for changing someone’s lives because of your book. You want to know that you matter to someone. Sure, who doesn’t want that, everyone does. But what makes you qualified? How do you know that you could handle that kind of pressure? How do you know that you’re not going to break down everytime it gets too stressful? What are you going to do?
I don’t know. But all I can be sure of is that I am trying my best to live a life that will make me happy. As much as I want to make others happy, I have to make sure I am happy. All my life, I have forgotten that responsibility comes when needed. It has a time and a purpose. Right now, everything is good and I don’t know how long that is going to last. But for right now, I don’t care because i just want to enjoy it. Not just sit around and wait for it all to crumble down. I have been waiting for this moment, this summer, this feeling for as long as I can remember, and when it finally showed up, I had no idea how to feel. I felt that is was wrong, that is wasn’t okay to feel this way. I felt that it was too good to be true. But then it all was okay because I knew it would be. I had plans and I knew that as soon as those were over, I would have the time to discover who I was. I would have the chance to do what I wanted, to be who I truly was.
And I was. The smiles, the faces, the feelings and emotions that were spoken to me though actions were all worth while. I took a trip to another place and it felt good to get away. It felt wonderful not having to take care of those I knew could handle themselves. It felt good not to have to worry about something. I knew everything was okay and I was fine. No anxiety, No breakdowns and no crying when I didn’t want to. I didn’t have to pretend, or be ashamed of who I really was. I could express myself and be myself and just doing that made me feel human. It made me feel apart of something. It made me matter. And the fact that I could feel that way was phenomenal. And the thing is, I didn’t even need to have an idea to do it. Because I didn’t have to hide, to create some other character that would describe how I felt. I could be myself. And it felt good.
