Non-Topical

I purchased a book two years, on this very day. It wasn't necessarily on a Monday, but it was on this very date. It was and still stands as a fill in book. It was called: "642 Things To Write About" written and produced by: The San Francisco Writers Grotto. Now as you can image, I should be finished this book by now, but I'm not. There still remains 600 prompts undone. But recently during the past week, I've been doing a prompt everyday, by random. Now, last Saturday, I chose randomly to do a prompt that gave me the option to: "Write about something you know absolutely nothing about. Make it all up". Now to my humor, I gladly did as told, and the topic that I chose was Racism.

Now it might seem odd that I chose racism as my topic because I do know about Racism and it's history. But I chose to mix it up a bit and tell it from another angle. Below reads my idea:

Racism is the mistreatment of ducks. It started in 1342, with this farmer named Jim Reed. He would always brag about the ducks he owned and how beautiful their wings were. He did it so much that people got angry and stormed to his house with pitch forks and fire starters. Eventually, it led to the burning and lynching of many ducks. Ducks were often associated with chickens and thus the mockery of chicken wings began. This racism still occurs today and Jim Reed remains unstopped because his ducks wings are beautiful. 

Now seeming as though I associated Racism with ducks, I did it because it was the first thing that popped into my head. And as the first sentence began, I just furthered it with things I always imagined are associated with bragging. Usually a robbery occurs or people get frustrated and leave people alone. My intention was to do the opposite. I chose to have people get frustrated and come to him, in which they would complain. But mostly when people complain, they don't want anything extreme to happen, but in this case, I chose for it to, because that's how mistreatment works. 

You see, this whole story might be crazy and you might think WTF. But everything happens for a reason. There was a reason I wrote this story, and there was a reason why I wrote it the way I did. There is a reason why Racism of ducks into my head and why people find beauty so violent. Overflowing beauty was the theme. I don't know if any of you caught but hey, it was there, You just have to look closely to see it. And the reason I chose to not identify a color, was because it doesn't matter, because no matter what, we are all something. And who are you to judge, let alone, make yourself worth of someone else being below you. 

I'm not a conformist, I just believe in equality. Most people advocate for it and don't even understand what it is. If your advocating for higher wages, is that because you want to be rich like them, or because you feel everyone should be able to have the same opportunities. If your advocating for gender, human rights, or LGBT, are you doing that because you believe we are the same, or to just show that you are a good person. See there is a difference between self-worth and awareness. 

Do you know what it is?

Untitled

There are many things my friends don't know about me. 

I often feel very alone and nobody seems to notice. 

And maybe that's my fault because they usually just see the happy side of me. 

But truly, there is no happy side of me. 

When I smile, it is temporary.

I cry constantly, and of course I hide it. 
Rejjia, Eat Something: "I already did"
Rejjia, Cheer Up: "I'll be alright"
Rejjia, What's Wrong: "I'm just tired"

I just thought that by now someone would have seen behind all my bullshit. 

But of course not, because people only care about their bullshit. 

Life is easy, it is a full time job, that why I don't bother looking for employement anymore. 

I thought that by starting this blog, people would actually listen and understand me better. 

But of course, nobody really cares. 

I am trying my best to hold it all together, to try not and crash and burn.

But when you have no one there to truly see you for you, it's pain, constant pain. 

I don't know what to do after this. 

And I don't know who I am anymore. 

I just know that I'm tired of being alone. 

I'm tired of being a failure. 

I'm tired of being laughed at. 

I'm tired of being unloved, ignored and pushed away. 

I'm just tired.

That doesn't mean I'm going to do something rationale. 

I'm going to continue living, but just know I'm tired. 

I know what most of you will say. 

Rejjia. you're not alone. 

You have friends, you have family. 

But where are they?

Mom: Another bill in the mail? Tired?

Sister: Sleep? Irritated? Scared of the Kitchen?

Friends: Too Busy? Distant? Fake? I've Got My Own Drama!

Family: See ya next Thanksgiving? Christmas? Easter?

I'm Passive, so I Understand.

But Do You?

Religious Wisdom

Some great wisdom once came to my knowledge when I was going through a depression phase. I once realized that when life is at its worst, things must get worse before they can get better. Life has great ups and down and we have to try our best to live through the downs of life so that we may experience the good. If there is one thing that I can say I've learned from my faith, it's this:

"Living in this world isn't easy, and God makes sure it's not, but at least he created hope so that we can believe in something better for ourselves."

When we go back and revisit the wisdom we once had, we are presented with the choice to either keep believing that wisdom or consider it to be untrue, thus opening the door for new knowledge to enter from the next heartache. I haven't quite decided what I want to believe yet, but I know I believe in God and in Destiny. Some part of me feels that pain is the only way to actually feel happiness because you must experience that to understand the idea of happiness. Happiness is not an emotion, it is an idea. The only thing close to the real idea of happiness is peace.

Wait what, is she a Christian or Buddhist?

 See, I don't really read the bible much because I feel most of it isn't accurate or that it contradicts itself, but what I do believe from it is that love and peace are the only real things a person can hope for. Some of you might just think I 'm stupid and don't have the experience to say most of this, but just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know things, it just means I have experienced some things in my life that have shaped the corners of my book (life).

I haven't really been writing a lot. I write something small from time to time. Right now I'm really focused on school stuff and making sure my health is in check. If I forgot to tell you guys, I got braces like last this past June and I want to get them in check before I go back to school. Another concern is my chest area, I've been having weird burning sensation in my breast areas, so I wanted to get that checked out. I have set appointments but now I am awaiting and that just kills me because I want to make sure I am okay! Then next week I have soccer tryouts so I want to make sure my health is okay for that.