Non-Topical

I purchased a book two years, on this very day. It wasn't necessarily on a Monday, but it was on this very date. It was and still stands as a fill in book. It was called: "642 Things To Write About" written and produced by: The San Francisco Writers Grotto. Now as you can image, I should be finished this book by now, but I'm not. There still remains 600 prompts undone. But recently during the past week, I've been doing a prompt everyday, by random. Now, last Saturday, I chose randomly to do a prompt that gave me the option to: "Write about something you know absolutely nothing about. Make it all up". Now to my humor, I gladly did as told, and the topic that I chose was Racism.

Now it might seem odd that I chose racism as my topic because I do know about Racism and it's history. But I chose to mix it up a bit and tell it from another angle. Below reads my idea:

Racism is the mistreatment of ducks. It started in 1342, with this farmer named Jim Reed. He would always brag about the ducks he owned and how beautiful their wings were. He did it so much that people got angry and stormed to his house with pitch forks and fire starters. Eventually, it led to the burning and lynching of many ducks. Ducks were often associated with chickens and thus the mockery of chicken wings began. This racism still occurs today and Jim Reed remains unstopped because his ducks wings are beautiful. 

Now seeming as though I associated Racism with ducks, I did it because it was the first thing that popped into my head. And as the first sentence began, I just furthered it with things I always imagined are associated with bragging. Usually a robbery occurs or people get frustrated and leave people alone. My intention was to do the opposite. I chose to have people get frustrated and come to him, in which they would complain. But mostly when people complain, they don't want anything extreme to happen, but in this case, I chose for it to, because that's how mistreatment works. 

You see, this whole story might be crazy and you might think WTF. But everything happens for a reason. There was a reason I wrote this story, and there was a reason why I wrote it the way I did. There is a reason why Racism of ducks into my head and why people find beauty so violent. Overflowing beauty was the theme. I don't know if any of you caught but hey, it was there, You just have to look closely to see it. And the reason I chose to not identify a color, was because it doesn't matter, because no matter what, we are all something. And who are you to judge, let alone, make yourself worth of someone else being below you. 

I'm not a conformist, I just believe in equality. Most people advocate for it and don't even understand what it is. If your advocating for higher wages, is that because you want to be rich like them, or because you feel everyone should be able to have the same opportunities. If your advocating for gender, human rights, or LGBT, are you doing that because you believe we are the same, or to just show that you are a good person. See there is a difference between self-worth and awareness. 

Do you know what it is?

Butterfly Not Burning

The title actually has it's own story. In school right now, we just got finished reading this book called Butterfly Burning, and it's about the downfall of a love between Phephalaphi and Fumbatha. I like this book, even though at the end she kills herself by setting herself afire. So the title of this post is "Not Butterfly Burning" because I am not in love, I am not in distress and I am not going to kill myself, well not anytime soon at that!

God has been good to me. And so has society so far. I haven't been having any stressful anxietic breakdowns for like two weeks which is awesome! Today I got my high school class room and now I feel like an official junior. I feel that at this point in time I am doing the best I can to be all I can be. I would say that I am still trying to figure out who I am, but then that means I have been trying, which I am not. I am just living in the moment and it actually feels good to because I don't overthink or make judgements about things. All is well!


Apart from that, I just want to share a poem with you that I wrote a few months ago. It was inspired of course by the show "How I Met Your Mother" and the main character "Ted Mosby". I won't give away what it is about, I'll let you analyze:

I’ll find you standing in the
coffee shop trying to get your
daily mocha or cappuccino,
whichever one decides to come first.
You’ll smile at the cashier and try to
make her laugh at your corny joke of the day.
And for the sake of life, you won’t stop wearing that tie
I bought you from when we first met because you
said it will symbolize the many build ups I would have
in your life. And for the first time, I actually
believed you because not one moment goes
by that you don’t remind me how pretty I am,
despite how I may feel about my looks and my body.

Now the only thing left to
do is meet you in this world of
seven billion people. I wonder where
you are and what you are wearing now before
I symbolize not just your wardrobe, but your life.

That's basically it for the update, I will post next month and you can check in again! Of course, if you even want to contact me, just comment or email me. Till then, tootles!

Untitled

There are many things my friends don't know about me. 

I often feel very alone and nobody seems to notice. 

And maybe that's my fault because they usually just see the happy side of me. 

But truly, there is no happy side of me. 

When I smile, it is temporary.

I cry constantly, and of course I hide it. 
Rejjia, Eat Something: "I already did"
Rejjia, Cheer Up: "I'll be alright"
Rejjia, What's Wrong: "I'm just tired"

I just thought that by now someone would have seen behind all my bullshit. 

But of course not, because people only care about their bullshit. 

Life is easy, it is a full time job, that why I don't bother looking for employement anymore. 

I thought that by starting this blog, people would actually listen and understand me better. 

But of course, nobody really cares. 

I am trying my best to hold it all together, to try not and crash and burn.

But when you have no one there to truly see you for you, it's pain, constant pain. 

I don't know what to do after this. 

And I don't know who I am anymore. 

I just know that I'm tired of being alone. 

I'm tired of being a failure. 

I'm tired of being laughed at. 

I'm tired of being unloved, ignored and pushed away. 

I'm just tired.

That doesn't mean I'm going to do something rationale. 

I'm going to continue living, but just know I'm tired. 

I know what most of you will say. 

Rejjia. you're not alone. 

You have friends, you have family. 

But where are they?

Mom: Another bill in the mail? Tired?

Sister: Sleep? Irritated? Scared of the Kitchen?

Friends: Too Busy? Distant? Fake? I've Got My Own Drama!

Family: See ya next Thanksgiving? Christmas? Easter?

I'm Passive, so I Understand.

But Do You?

Coming to an End

So I've decided a few things about life. 

The first is: 

Life is fair no matter what. It is society that is not!

The second is:

You may never find that one person who sees all the bullshit behind who you truly are! Lord knows people are blind!

The third is:

Love hurts, especially when the person you love has no idea.

The fourth is:

Suicidal thoughts can be helpful; sometimes.

The fifth is:

Feminism is a good strategy to empowerment.

The sixth is:

Doubt in religion can make you more spiritual

The seventh is:

Listen to some of the moments presented to you in life. They want to tell you something.

The eighth is:

You should use yolo to be young and reckless, just be young and reckless.

The ninth is:

Ignorance is bliss

The tenth is: 

You will never ever truly be happy because sadness is the only truest emotion that doesn't need to be said; its to be felt.

The Fact of the matter Is....

That is why it all must come to an end. Not this life, but the ideas of this life, this culture, this society. But first, I must get myself together, for my heart and mind do not agree, and therefore cause me to die inside. So Farewell, Until We Meet Again!

Evaluating the Mindstate

I love Rocky Horror Picture Show!

Hello my readers, today has been like any other day in Baltimore City, hot, long and ignorant. While I struggle to maintain my vision of my future, It is further corrupted and affecting the personality of the person I want to be in this world. But you know, I'm not going to get into that because it will just further make me mad. Instead, I will talk about how my lifestyle is now, now that school is back in session. Extra-Curricular activities are my life now. Ever since my leg injury, I have been able to participate in my clubs early this year and man is it insane.

My new theme for the year!

Firstly, I have debate club in which I love without a doubt. The new resolution for this year is The United States Federal Government Should Substantially increase its non-military exploration and/or development of the earth's oceans. Yeah, it's broad, but hey, it is all about interpretation. Anyway, as I work on my cards and notes for that, I still have to be assigned a partner which is like ugh, because that means I have to find someone. And sometimes I am not the best finder of things.

Secondly, my next obligation is Robotics. This year is to be very competitive because we lost last year and it didn't feel to great. So this year, we are getting our start. This year, we have to design a robot that has to be able to move these plastic cubes and stack them. It's called Skyrise and it is being run Vex Competitions. Even though it seems challenging, our robot brainstorming has it's underway.

Thirdly, my next club obligation is Newspaper. Yes it is a way to actually get my stuff read from paper print, and I can write about anything I want. That is the beauty of it. Other than these, I have clubs that are still going underway for later in the year like ADL, One City One Book and Bcc Echoes.

I am not really worried about the schoolwork now, but I bet later, it will get worse, but until then, I am going to live in the moment. Other than schoolwork, back comes the issue of school dues. I have to buy my ring and all the payment has to be in by October 30th. I have this to worry about, and I also have my homelife to worry about. I seriously need to start working. I know some of you might be like, "Uh, Do you even have the time for a job?". Maybe I do, and maybe I don't, but I have to put my education and my family first, and if anyone with leadership skills, they will understand the perdicament I am in. I won't let it get the best of me, but I know it won't be easy. All I can hope for now is that everything works out for the best. Because the one true statement I will always believe is that "Things Change, Friends Leave, and Life Doesn't Stop For Anybody!" 

Goodnight and inform you again!

Junior Year

So as you know or don't know, I am now a junior in high. This year is going to be really exciting and hard at the same time, but I am going to try and do my best to keep my mental stability in tact! I have my guidance counselors, my teachers and my family to get me through hopefully when the times get rough, and not to mention my incredible friends, who will all be struggling with me. As I mentioned before, I attend an IB World School and it's basically a college preporatory school, which means every course I take this year will be intense and leave me no time for a life to live! #TeamNoLife! Lol, But I'll Manage.

This is My Schedule:
1st Period is IB World History
2nd Period is Probability and Statistics
3rd Period is IB Film
4/5th Period is Spanish III
6/7th Period is AP Comparative Government and Politics
8th Period is Lunch
9/10th Period is Biology II
11th Period is English III

This was my reaction, but a little more intense!

Other than that, what has been going lately? Well basically the usual, just focusing on what I am going to be doing during the year. I usually during the fall play soccer, but this year, I didn't make it because I got injured and you can't play if you're injured, so yeah. I don't quite know what quite is wrong with my leg, but I limp when I walk and I can't bend my knee. This sucks but what can I do. Anyway, I wasn't mad or sad at all, I was actually happy because this just gave me the opportunity to start clubs early. I participated in Newspaper, Robotics, Speech and One City, One Book last year. This year I am doing Newspaper, Literary Magazine, Debate, and Book club and maybe Robotics this year. I don't want to overwhelm myself with all these obligations because I know how intense this year can get and I know how I get so this is it for now.

Since I am a junior now, I have a lot of dues to pay. God, there is so much to pay for. I have to pay for my school ring, which is seperate from school dues. I want to get a job in the spring to at least help me get a little money in my pocket to pay for stuff. I have a little saved up, but not enough to pay all of my dues. I am trying my best not to stress about it, but I do have to keep it mind somewhere. Included in my dues are paying for prom, but the thing is that I don't even know if I want to go to Prom. I'm not much of a dancer or a person of interest of the opposite sex, so what possible fun could I have at a prom?

But forever problems will reign on, so the best thing to remember is:

The Downsides To Being A Writer.

Hey Guys, I am so sorry about last week. I had not a lot to say in about a short period of time. I have really been busyt with school stuff, but here is something I have been working on. My list is not complete, but this is what I have so far on the downsides of being a writer:

There are many great things about being a writer. Like the fact that you can create stories to entertain people and also having people you actually know or don't know feel really excited to read your next creative work! Just to clarify, writers include poets, authors, journalist, essayists, etc. But there is always an opposite to every good or bad thing. And sadly, thre is one for writers. There are those downsides that can just be so annoying and I just wanted to make you aware of them, if you are thinking about becoming an writer.

#1: Say Goodbye to Dreaming

Now, when you are a writer, ideas will pop in your head anywhere at anytime. This even means right before you are about to go to bed. Now you might be ready to go to bed, but your mind isn't. While laying down with closed eyes, your mind will think of the best idea ever, forcing you to have to get up, grab a pen and write it down before you forget. This has happened to me plenty of times, and though it is very very very annoying, it sometimes can be rewarding. But sometimes it can be stubborn, especially when you lack sleep and you must write this idea down. So say goodbye to your dreams because they are about to become fictioned realities. 

#2 Writer's Block

Everyone gets this one from time to time. But when it happens, it can happen at the wrong time. It always seemed to happen to me when I had something due like an essay or newspaper report. I just wouldn't have any ideas until the last minute when I would already have some bs conjured up and on paper. I would just have to redo the entire thing. And it sucks because writer's block makes you feel usless and worth nothing because as a writer, you should be able to come up with anything, even if it is ridiculous. It's an idea. This is one of the most annoying downsides to writing because there will be the times where you won't have anything to write for months and that can make you feel like a failure. But don't, it will eventually blow over soon, just make sure to always have your pen and pencil ready.

It Doesn't Work Like That!

#Always Being Prepared

As a writer, you are, by basic instinct, always have to be prepare for whenever you have an idea. That is why no matter what you do, you carry around your pen and paper/journal waiting and ready for it to be accessible. That means you will always have to carry some type of book bag or purse to carry all of that in which can be annoying, especially if your just planning to enjoy yourself on the beach. And it's not like you can stop yourself from not taking it, because as soon as you decide not to take it, a thought in the back of your mind says "You'll Regret Not Taking It Because The Best Idea Will Pop In Your Head Later". So you run back and grab it. And for that enture day, you don't write an entire word.  Always being prepared can be such a burden and annoying, but as a writer, it's basic instinct so get used to it. 

That is all I have so far. 

Rest In Peace
Robin Williams
1951 - 2014

I just want to take a moment and talk about the death of Robin Williams. He was a great actor, comedian and husband. He suffered from depression and parkinson's disease, but of all things, he suffered from lonliness. He felt he couldn't share that side with us because he felt he would get judged by society and of course the media would make a big deal about it. So he kept it to himself and suffered with it until he could deal with it anymore. I want people to be aware of the things people do and say in life. Robin Williams was a great man, and although he committed suicide, he wasn't selfish, he was in pain, and that is all something we should understand. Robin Williams was an artist among many things and he will be missed. Let us rejoice in the things that he did and changed upon this earth and remember that he is "Oh Captain, My Captain"!

Religious Wisdom

Some great wisdom once came to my knowledge when I was going through a depression phase. I once realized that when life is at its worst, things must get worse before they can get better. Life has great ups and down and we have to try our best to live through the downs of life so that we may experience the good. If there is one thing that I can say I've learned from my faith, it's this:

"Living in this world isn't easy, and God makes sure it's not, but at least he created hope so that we can believe in something better for ourselves."

When we go back and revisit the wisdom we once had, we are presented with the choice to either keep believing that wisdom or consider it to be untrue, thus opening the door for new knowledge to enter from the next heartache. I haven't quite decided what I want to believe yet, but I know I believe in God and in Destiny. Some part of me feels that pain is the only way to actually feel happiness because you must experience that to understand the idea of happiness. Happiness is not an emotion, it is an idea. The only thing close to the real idea of happiness is peace.

Wait what, is she a Christian or Buddhist?

 See, I don't really read the bible much because I feel most of it isn't accurate or that it contradicts itself, but what I do believe from it is that love and peace are the only real things a person can hope for. Some of you might just think I 'm stupid and don't have the experience to say most of this, but just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know things, it just means I have experienced some things in my life that have shaped the corners of my book (life).

I haven't really been writing a lot. I write something small from time to time. Right now I'm really focused on school stuff and making sure my health is in check. If I forgot to tell you guys, I got braces like last this past June and I want to get them in check before I go back to school. Another concern is my chest area, I've been having weird burning sensation in my breast areas, so I wanted to get that checked out. I have set appointments but now I am awaiting and that just kills me because I want to make sure I am okay! Then next week I have soccer tryouts so I want to make sure my health is okay for that.