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There are many things my friends don't know about me. 

I often feel very alone and nobody seems to notice. 

And maybe that's my fault because they usually just see the happy side of me. 

But truly, there is no happy side of me. 

When I smile, it is temporary.

I cry constantly, and of course I hide it. 
Rejjia, Eat Something: "I already did"
Rejjia, Cheer Up: "I'll be alright"
Rejjia, What's Wrong: "I'm just tired"

I just thought that by now someone would have seen behind all my bullshit. 

But of course not, because people only care about their bullshit. 

Life is easy, it is a full time job, that why I don't bother looking for employement anymore. 

I thought that by starting this blog, people would actually listen and understand me better. 

But of course, nobody really cares. 

I am trying my best to hold it all together, to try not and crash and burn.

But when you have no one there to truly see you for you, it's pain, constant pain. 

I don't know what to do after this. 

And I don't know who I am anymore. 

I just know that I'm tired of being alone. 

I'm tired of being a failure. 

I'm tired of being laughed at. 

I'm tired of being unloved, ignored and pushed away. 

I'm just tired.

That doesn't mean I'm going to do something rationale. 

I'm going to continue living, but just know I'm tired. 

I know what most of you will say. 

Rejjia. you're not alone. 

You have friends, you have family. 

But where are they?

Mom: Another bill in the mail? Tired?

Sister: Sleep? Irritated? Scared of the Kitchen?

Friends: Too Busy? Distant? Fake? I've Got My Own Drama!

Family: See ya next Thanksgiving? Christmas? Easter?

I'm Passive, so I Understand.

But Do You?

Coming to an End

So I've decided a few things about life. 

The first is: 

Life is fair no matter what. It is society that is not!

The second is:

You may never find that one person who sees all the bullshit behind who you truly are! Lord knows people are blind!

The third is:

Love hurts, especially when the person you love has no idea.

The fourth is:

Suicidal thoughts can be helpful; sometimes.

The fifth is:

Feminism is a good strategy to empowerment.

The sixth is:

Doubt in religion can make you more spiritual

The seventh is:

Listen to some of the moments presented to you in life. They want to tell you something.

The eighth is:

You should use yolo to be young and reckless, just be young and reckless.

The ninth is:

Ignorance is bliss

The tenth is: 

You will never ever truly be happy because sadness is the only truest emotion that doesn't need to be said; its to be felt.

The Fact of the matter Is....

That is why it all must come to an end. Not this life, but the ideas of this life, this culture, this society. But first, I must get myself together, for my heart and mind do not agree, and therefore cause me to die inside. So Farewell, Until We Meet Again!