Wednesday, June 25, 2014

I'm Here, But I'm Not Really Here!

Hello Readers & Occassional Passer Throughers,

This weeks post is not really a post. See, I am on a little vacation to a place called South Carolina. I am at Myrtle Beach. This is my first time at a beach and I am staying down here for the entire week. That means I won't be able to write this week's post. But technically, this will be filling in for it.

Lately, I have been feeling okay. I don't feel that much alone as I did before. Whenever I feel alone, I just remember the things I like to do and do that. For instance, one of the things I like to do when I am feeling alone is listening to music videos and writing quotes on postcards from the lyrics of the songs. It is actually quite fun and fustrating because you have to choose what line to write down. I try to stay away from the chorus, because if I decide to hang the lyrics on my wall, I want people to guess what song it is from! I know it sounds boring, but hey, none of us are awesome all the time! Well, except Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother!

Anyways, I try my best to cope with the feeling of loneliness. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but it does get better. I just have to give it time! That is all we can really do. I know this blog may not seem to mean a whole lot to you, but it does to me. I don't care about how many people view this blog, or about what people think. All I care about is writing. I want to write to change the lives of others. Most of the time I have trouble just feeling emotions and remembering that it is okay to have them.

But writing is the one thing I know I can do in this life. I am determined to never let it stop. I will write, even when no one is reading. It will just be here until the time comes. And I know how fustrating being a writer can be, but I accept all the ups and downs of it. I accept the fustration of trying to go to sleep when all of a sudden an idea pops into my head which forces me to write it down because I know it will be the next big thing! I accept the fustration of writer's block because I love writing and nothing is ever easy. And when you live for the things you love, you life is truly complete because that is the thing that makes you feel most alive!

And just knowing that it will always be there keeps me going day after day, even when I am feeling alone!
So all in all, I say writing is the best thing that ever happened to me. Goodnight or Morning to you and I will write to you again soon!

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I am a Writer!

There is no segway between being someone and wanting to be somebody. If you call yourself a writer, then you are a writer. But if you  want to be a writer someday, then you simble aren't, but you want to be. Sometimes it can be hard, facing facts that determine the way you live your life. I know, I've had my fair share of what I want and what I need and who I am.

I've had the dream of being a billionaire and trying everything possible to make it there. I have jumped from dream to dream, pondering over the life of success I know I can reach, but not with the path I'm going. The future, something no one knows about, is scary. It is scary no just for me, but for the rest of the world. See no one knows what is going to happen in the future, that's why the only thing we can do is prepare. But some say "How can you prepare for something you know nothing about?'. Well, just by simpling TRYING!

The future for me is something advanced. Something that will set the standard for all living things and there will really only be two kinds of people in that world. You will have the ones who care and the ones that don't. I don't know which one I'll be at the time, but I routing for the ones who don't care. See I know what I want to be. I know what I have to do to be it. But sometimes actually doing what I need to do to get there is the struggle.

You should all know my passion by now, but if you don't, it is to write. I want to be a famous writer, and sometimes just knowing that scares me. It scares me because the society we live in today, many people don't like to read. Most of them are so fixated on social media and that just makes me so afraid for books in the future. It makes me question the essense of words and people's knowledge to understand the meaning of them.

I don't doubt the fact that I know what I am. I know I am a writer because that is all I really do. But my faith in society is shaking, because everything just seem so bad right now, especially with today's youth. It is simpl ridiculous! The world is becoming something I feel is dangerous and I'm just no certain if books and writers will matter in the future.

As much as this scares me, my mind still ponders on the reality, the one where I believe I can make a difference. Trying is someone I know I will always have the ability to do, even when I feel the lowest. So even if the world does turn out to be the worst place to live on in the future, I will try my best to make the world a better place even if it kills me. I will write for the ones that don't care. I wll be the person I have longed to be, not just for the sake of others, but for the sake of myself also.

Being a writer means so much more than what it looks like. Of course, writers write, but we also innovate, we embrace and we bring meaning to what it is to Live Life. I need to focus my energy on what the important of writing is to me. It is not about making sales or money, or gettin recognintion. It is about making something matter. I want to change to lives of others, change the way people think, for the greater good. And that is all that really matters!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

It Is The End Of 10th Grade For Me!

So today was the last day of school for my tenth grade year. I am happy and I feel that things have changed. Last year, I didn't feel that way as much as I do now.

This is how teachers feel:

This is how everyone else feels: 

But this is how I feel:

Yesterday something inside me turn off. Something that actually made me become aware of the situation I am living in. All this time I never knew what was wrong with me until now! I found my root. I found the reason why I am not functioning like I want to. It is because of my family. They bickering and the arguing all makes me not express how I feel. I have to always worry about what not to say to my sister so that she won't get offended and go all agitated on me. She holds me back from being who I truly am because I always have to limit myself to her so that I don't cause a reaction from her. That is why I don't talk that much around her.

But it is not just my sister either, it's my mom too. Sometimes my mom makes stupid decisions that impact and cause a reaction from my sister. My mom, I love her dearly, can be very talkative and too outgoing. She does things that we don't really agree with, and when my sister tries to change her, it doesn't work. That irritates my sister and my mother and that just makes their relationship more fucked up.

Which leads me to why I am so messed up. When they bicker and rant, I have to try and be the one to fix everything, because that is the only thing they allow me to do and that is what I feel I have to do. They put me in the middle and I don't like being in the middle. It is too much and that is why I worry so much. It adds on to the weight I am already carrying about my future and my past and the present. I am only fifteen and I have a unpaid full time job: worrying.

What makes matters worse it that I don't think my mom and my sister will ever get on terms where they can be happy. It is that bad. I feel there is no solution to the problem and that makes me mad and sad at the same time. This feeling is conflicting with my other emotions and how I should be feeling. I just finished my tenth grade of high school and I am now a junior. I should be happy about that, but I don't feel anything! I had to take three pills of my medicine, when I am only suppose to take one. My heart can't handle this much, it is eventually going to kill me!

I just want to have fun during the summer. I want to have fun, go to the beach, meet new people and earn some money, without having to worry about them. I am not being selfish, I just need a break! I don't want to leave it off like this so I am going to end on this: Have a happy summer and enjoy it until the next year round. I'll be happy soon, so don't worry. I love all of my readers and really appreciate you for your support.


Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Second Chances:The Paul Davis Story!

You know, the thing I most admire in life is second chances. It is giving someone the hope, the trust, and the privilege of trying to make a wrong a right, and in some cases and mistake that wasn't intentional. I admire second chances because giving someone that ability really scares me, because I have trust issues. I don't feel that people can change, I feel that they are themselves and to change is not possible. You will always go back to who you really are, it is inevitable.

There are some people in this world that try to force change upon others when really there is no change needed. Maybe that person is just fine the way they are, and their the ones with the problem. And when it's not their way, it's the highway, another door slammed in the face. And now that person loses a job because they didn't live up to your standard of living, Wow, some life you have!

Today I found out that A Great Teacher of mine is being let go because of some stupid rule about being late too many times. Evidently, as a teacher, you have a limit to how many times you can be late, which is at least 5 times. My favorite teacher, who is traveling all the way from the county to teach us lovely city kids, went over the limit with about four more than wanted. And for that stupid rule, he will not be returning to city college, for about a couple years when he can reapply again to work at city.

Some of you may say, well since he can reapply again, what's the big deal. Well this is the big deal, he should n't have to apply again because he got fired because of the stupidest rule on the planet. This man, this teacher, who I very much enjoy learning from was fired: (1) Not because he didn't teach his class because some teachers don't, but in fact he did and very well, (2): Not because the students were failing his class, which thousands of students are in other teachers classes, but not his as far as I checked and (3) Not because he cussed a student out because I know some teachers who have and they still have their jobs, but instead: BECAUSE HE DIDN'T DIE, AND TRY HARD ENOUGH TO GET TO HIS JOB, WHICH DOESN'T PAY THAT MUCH, FROM THE COUNTY SO THAT HE COULD TEACH HIS CITY STUDENTS WHO LOVE HIM VERY MUCH!.

Wow, the job of year goes to North Avenue, you really have the best reasons for firing people!

It is sad that this man, this teacher who has dedicated his life to teaching us kids, who sometimes are ungrateful, that drama is the world around us and it is how we discuss and observe it. It is said that educational system cannot recognize the great teachers and leaders of our world until it is the last minute. Mr. Davis, is more than just a teacher, he is friend, he is what the world rejects because they don't live up to the standards of what is needed. And maybe he never will, but I will gosh damn guarantee, he will die trying to do what's right for us kids, which is teach us that we are not failures. Teach us that we are more than what others see or what others think.

We have opinions, which do not get heard by Authority. But Mr. Davis teaches us through Drama, that performance is a way to be heard; A way that can make them listen. And right now North Avenue, they don't give a damn about us kids, just about what pays the bills. But as a start to expressing my opinions to North Avenue, I am petitioning to get my teacher's job back and I would love it if all of you would support us!

To sign the petition, go to: