Thursday, October 23, 2014


There are many things my friends don't know about me. 
I often feel very alone and nobody seems to notice. 
And maybe that's my fault because they usually just see the happy side of me. 
But truly, there is no happy side of me. 
When I smile, it is temporary.
I cry constantly, and of course I hide it. 
Rejjia, Eat Something: "I already did"
Rejjia, Cheer Up: "I'll be alright"
Rejjia, What's Wrong: "I'm just tired"
I just thought that by now someone would have seen behind all my bullshit. 
But of course not, because people only care about their bullshit. 
Life is easy, it is a full time job, that why I don't bother looking for employement anymore. 
I thought that by starting this blog, people would actually listen and understand me better. 
But of course, nobody really cares. 
I am trying my best to hold it all together, to try not and crash and burn.
But when you have no one there to truly see you for you, it's pain, constant pain. 
I don't know what to do after this. 
And I don't know who I am anymore. 
I just know that I'm tired of being alone. 
I'm tired of being a failure. 
I'm tired of being laughed at. 
I'm tired of being unloved, ignored and pushed away. 
I'm just tired.
That doesn't mean I'm going to do something rationale. 
I'm going to continue living, but just know I'm tired. 
I know what most of you will say. 
Rejjia. you're not alone. 
You have friends, you have family. 
But where are they?
Mom: Another bill in the mail? Tired?
Sister: Sleep? Irritated? Scared of the Kitchen?
Friends: Too Busy? Distant? Fake? I've Got My Own Drama!
Family: See ya next Thanksgiving? Christmas? Easter?
I'm Passive, so I Understand.
But Do You?

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