1. My first moment of clarity since being in high school was when I was in the ninth grade. I was just adjusting in and things were a little tough. I felt like I didn't know who I was and what I should do with my life. So I started paying attention to the things that I was learning, especially in humanities. When we started to actually start on the unit where we discussed religion, I was so interested to hear about the different cultures and how they have faith. I think Buddhism is my favorite one. I mean the concept of suffering being the only way for you to gain happiness just goes so much with reality. I loved this concept so much that I actually wrote it down to make sense of incident that happened. It might be a little exaggerate but hey in 9th grade, I can say that I was a little naive.This is what I said:
Life Is Suffering:
It was the end of school and I had just gotten on the 22 bus. I got off the bus a couple stops later to go to waverly elementary to teach photography. I then realized that I had left my wallet on the bus. I was devastated. I couldn't get home cause my bus pass was in my wallet. My everything was in that wallet. So later my friend Ms. Julie gave me a full day bus pass to get home; I love her. Anyway the next day in my humanities class, I was learning about Buddhism. I was learning of the four noble truths:
1. Life is Suffering
2. Suffering has a Cause: DESIRE
3. Suffering can be Overcomed
4. To overcome, follow the Eightfold Path
I thought about this concept a lot and It was sinking into my mind. So as I was leaving school, I was on the bus and I realized that Life is Suffering. Every situation is a bad or negative on for me. I just was hiding behind a smile to fool society into thinking I was okay. I wasn't. I have to suffer. But I know that I had already suffered and struggled in foster care, so the it hit me. I realized through all that suffering, I did overcome it to get to my happy life. I don't know if I actually had followed the eightfold path, but I knew I was happy. I knew that in order for me to end my suffering, I needed to suffer. All that in a minute, it's just Life in a Epiphany. One second or minute is all it takes. "
Wow, that was humorous to me. I swear for that entire next week, I told everyone I was a Christian Buddhist (laughing to myself). I don't even think I knew exactly what that meant but at that time, I don't think I really cared. All I knew was that in my time on this earth, I had suffered and that there was nothing wrong with that because it made me happy. And still to this day I think you do need suffering and to struggle because that is the only way the truth will reveal itself to you. That is the purpose of having those moments of clarity. I have many more moments of clarity that I will share along the way, but until then, try to see it from my perspective and see what you get out of it.