Today's post will be consisted of two journal entries I did in my ninth grade year. I know what most of you are thinking (why does she keep referring to her ninth grade year). Dude, I'm only a tenth grader so chillax. Anyways, I wrote these two entries in Geometry class. I created this series called "Socio" and these were the first two that I wrote. Dedicated to Ms. Saio, for causing me write these topics because of her class being a little bit boring.
Death is always there. He is just there, waiting for his next victim. But death can be unexpecting sometimes. I would say death isn't the worst part, it’s the person who causes the death, and sometimes I’m afraid one day that will be me. One day I’m gonna kill and I won’t be able to forgive myself. I will feel guilty and guilty everyday until eventually I kill myself. When I killed myself, I killed 2 people, because I am a soul + the soul I had taken. I’m afraid that I will die and go to the gates of heaven and God will banish me to hell. You can only forgive someone but so much. I know God is all knowing and forgiving, but sometimes I wonder about that. If God is all knowing, why does he tempt me knowing I am going to fail. Does he want me to change, or something different happen from what he planned. I don’t know if it ever happened before, but maybe there is a possibility. I wonder if God forgives you if you commit suicide. If I was to ever commit suicide, I would meet death, and go on my way to either Heaven or Hell.
Although lying is a sin, everyone does it. One time even, you've done it. See the thing about lying is that I fucking hate it. It is deceitful and negative, and also a building block of stories. You have to keep building and building up and thinking of things other than the truth. I’m not going to say I don’t lie, because I do sometimes, but it’s only because I’m afraid sometimes to say no or stick up for myself. For example, if a person lets say didn't do their homework and asks for mine, I would say I didn't do it either or sometimes often, I would say no. But I fucking hate when people don’t do their work, then want to use your work and get credit. Do your fucking work, I’m not your fucking answer buddy. That fucking heats my skin. I wouldn't say lying is a bad thing in the case of trying not to be hurtful, but hey the truth shall set you free. But some would say that some can’t handle the truth. Here is where I stand on the situation, the truth is always better. It brings out a sense of who you are. Even if the truth is brutal and heartfelt, it’s better than lying. Lying never helps you, because it will always come back and make you fall on your face.
Now even though they may seem dark, they do have everyday feelings that most people experience daily. The anger that you build up from that person you dislike a lot makes you relate to the first entry. I don't know how many of you follow a religion, but if you do, I wonder the same things you do. Anyway the first is kinds influenced by the book Fences by August Wilson. My first period was English so I had to read it before my second period with Ms. Saio. The main character Troy, challenges death in the book and I guess the idea never left my head.
For the second entry, this was influenced by a poster in Ms. Saio room also. I was trying to balance the pros and cons of lying but t I don't think there are any good pros of it. I conclude with saying that lying never solves anything and that is what I always keep in mind. The truth can be a brutal thing, but we must face the facts that they help us to become wiser and not make the same mistakes that we once did. Hope you can gain something from that. Adios!