Wednesday, January 29, 2014

A New Opportunity

I have began writing a new book. I actually started on New Years Day, but still it's new. I'm making a non-fiction fantasy. I know that isn't a category, but hey, I can start a new one if I want! Anyway, some of this will be true and the other half will not be, but part me would want it to be. Anyway this is the Introduction and the Prologue in one. Enjoy!

Every year, I find something to change about myself. It is usually because I did something bad that or because I sexted that year when I promised myself I would never do it again. Well this New Year will be different. This New Year will be the start of someone who is not afraid to say what she wants to say, do what she wants to do and be what she wants to be without any care of prejudice though from others. Society has lost that basic right from me. I will no longer be the person who everyone expected me to be. I will be stronger and wiser. I will be the girl who will not try to avoid the inevitable. I will face it will courage and know that anything that gets in my way will just be another test from God. My sudden faith in humanity is falling, but since God put hope on this earth, I must find it within myself to try and hold on. I know that if I do change into this person I describe then the people I love feelings will be hurt. They will be hurt because they will get nothing from me but love and brutal honesty. I’m done with the lying and the trying to be who I am not. This New Year, I will find out who I am. Better yet, I will live who I am. I think the search for finding who I am is over. I have to stop using that as an excuse for my fear of opening up and letting someone in.

The fact of the matter is, I have realized I am alone, whether I want to be or not. I mean, I know I have family, I know I have friends, but the one thing I know I will never have is the one to see me for me. I know that I will never have that because the person I am about to become will give her brutal honesty in which she will not allow for that. She might be one of those hypocrites who can dish it but cannot take it, meaning I will flirt and all of that, but I will never truly let a person in. I have experienced too much hurt for that. The person who I am now has had her many times of being nice and kind and experiencing weakness, but God did not put me on this world to be just a mutant. I must talk; I must be outspoken and loud, and not afraid to let the world hear my voice, shouting out loud. My words are my token out of this place, this identity, this life that I live right now. And so when the clock strike twelve on that New Year’s Eve Day, I will shout them gladly because I know the person who I will become will be extraordinary, not just for me, but for the world. 
I know that I might lose some people, and some friends, and something important to me, but I know that I must be who I am, and for those who will not accept the new me, then it will be their loss. I love God and I thank him for his giving of the lord for my life and it is time for me to not try and be like Jesus, but to learn from him. I know that as my birth of being a Virgo, my perfection causes me to not have fun and live. That will change, because what I will be perfecting will be my life. I know that finding that thing that makes me myself is still out there, and I do not know if it will be writing. Writing is just a form. I have learned that it is what I am writing about that will lead me to be who I want and should be. What I write about will define and probably be used at my funeral when I pass, but they will be my words of wisdom. To know that I can be what I want to be and that anything is possible by the miracles of God, I am glad. To be able to feel my joy, I just want to tell others that change is possible and the main thing to know when trying to accomplish it is to take action. You can say many great things, but to do great things is the goal. 

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