Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Do you ever feel alone sometimes? Does this feeling make you so stupid stuff?
Well I know I have.
I feel alone sometimes and I try to find ways to not make me feel that way. I try to do things that will keep me busy like playing video games, or watching netflix or going on social networks, and even doing arts and crafts. I try all these things, but they only last but so long, that feeling of isolation always comes back and there is nothing I can do to stop it from coming.
Recently, I have stopped talking to my sister because she has been a pain in my ass and I am sorry if I sound as if she is always annoying because she is not, but when she is, it lasts long. Anyway, I have stopped talking to her and that leaves me to only interact with my mother at the moment. But most of the time, she isn't home, which brings me back to feeling alone. I hate this feeling of being alone because it brings out the worst in me.
The feeling of not being able to talk to another person, to converse and get someone else's response, it just makes me feel ignored or not cared about. And lately as I have been thinking about a lot of stuff, I have come to the conclusion that maybe the problem is me. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I used to be this person that went somewhere without anyone having to ask her. I used to be this person who was so busy that she just didn't have time to stay and play with someone. What happened to me? For the life of me, I just can't understand what went wrong.
Trying to figure out the answer to this problem has gotten so bad that I have considered taking medicine for it. Worrying myself to death has always been a problem of mine, and as I get older, it never ceases to get better, only worse. I am going to die before the age of thirty because of stress. Stress not only for my personal life, but for my social and academic life. I am just too tired of trying to get people's attention. If I don't have it now, what's to say I'll have it later. Like they say, If I don't have it now, It's not worth having anyway.
I don't mean to sound so sad, because I'm not. I actually feel better. I realized that feeling alone can be bad, but it can also be good. Because as I am alone, I can sit here and think of all the bad in my life, and all the good, and everything stuck in between. I tell people everyday that their will to do what they believe in will determine their success. So why is it so hard for me to take my own advice. Maybe that's a start somewhere, or maybe not, but it is something I should think about.
Thanks for reading and listening. I hope most of you have gotten something from this. I know it's not the most happiest or funniest or sarcastic post I ever published. But I am being truthful because this is how I have been feeling lately. I hope I am not alone and I hope that maybe one day it will change.