Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Treatment Diagnosis: MDD

So it is true. I have been diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder. I never truly knew what was wrong with me. All I really knew was that something was wrong.

The panic attacks are becoming daily know. I have been trying my best not to freak out at the fact that everything is fine. It doesn't feel like it is fine. It just feels like something is about to go tremendously wrong.

I have to give my therapists reports of when I have these attacks so that is fun. I also have been being sorta antisocial. I have been avoiding my friends, and sometimes my family. My diet has changed, meaning I don't have a appetite for anything anymore, except for lots of hot tamales and peanut chews.

I know I am being honest about my life, but I feel that I am being straightforward with you, because I want you to know my struggle and how I deal with myself and how it influences my writing.

When I talked to my therapist yesterday, she told me that I should really start writing those ideas I have into short stories and I think I will. I would have posted them, but I also have trust issues!

For any of you struggling with depression, anxiety, or any mental disability for that matter, I just want you to know that one day it will get better. The next day will be better than the last, and it takes time to get back to feeling normal. Lord knows I have a way to go, but I'm trying none the least. I'm trying to inform others and give them the opportunity to give input for me.

I was reading this book the other day called "Thirteen Reasons Why". It is really good so far, and one quote that I remember from it that I liked is, "In the End, Everything Matters.". It made me think a lot about the people who influenced who I am today, in some good ways and bad ones. I just want to say thanks for all you do. You didn't have to meet me or ever talk to me, but somehow we did and I really appreciate ever knowing you and what I gained from you.

In conclusion, I now feel that I hold no regrets and neither should you. Cause life is not about "what if?", it's about what you do now! It is about the relationships you make with people and others. It doesn't matter how you make those connection, it just matters that you!

And with this day forward, I have started writing a book called daydreams. This book will capture all the day dreams I have had in the present and in the future. I am starting this because I feel that it can help me to distinguish what really happened and what didn't in my life. I think I need that because I can't really remember my past that much. It's not there, it's all a blur. But today is about the future, not the past, so I am building something that in the future can make a lifetime. Hope you can do the same.

Just always remember when you write, write with a purpose, it doesn't even have to be to someone, just write what you feel and God will guide you. And if you are not religious, then whatever floats you boat will drift you ashore, when you least expect it, but also when you need it the most.

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